Reality Setting In

I am 23 weeks pregnant today. To put this into perspective.... I can still, very clearly remember the morning that I found out I was pregnant. I can remember waking up my husband at 5:30am, I can remember going into work that day and going crazy not telling anyone. I can remember telling our parents. I can remember our first ultrasound at 5.5 weeks, and just praying that they could see a little bean in there, and that it wasn't all just a dream.

I can remember when I bled at 7 weeks, and thought for sure I had lost the baby. I can remember the utter terror of going in for that ultrasound, and the utter relief of being told that everything was okay. I remember the 12 week ultrasound and testing, and feeling so happy when we learned that the baby was healthy and did not have any abnormalities. I remember feeling guilty about having those tests done, but glad I did it in the end.

I remember our 18 week ultrasound and finding out that we are having a girl. It was the first time I cried during an ultrasound; I just knew it was a girl. I remember going out afterwards and each of us picking out an outfit for her. Joe picked out two. So did I; I cannot believe that was five weeks ago. I remember when we decided that we would name our little baby Madelyn Grace; it just seems so right.

Now, at 23 weeks along, I think about different things. I think about choosing a godmother. I think about filling out forms, and packing hospital bags, and registering, and getting enough diapers. I think about how amazing it feels to feel Maddy move, and how I can't wait until Joe can feel her too. I think about what she will wear home from the hospital; I think about what we will do when we get home. I hope that it will come as naturally to me as everyone says it will.

It is hard to believe in around 17 weeks we will have a new addition to the family. I always thought that I had so much time to plan, and to get used to the idea. But wow! It is coming much sooner than I thought! Even through all of the panic, all of the fear of the unknown, all of the doubting my abilities.... I simply cannot wait until I can hold my daughter in my arms.